


The Truth Is

by pastelprophet



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: A dubious amount of broken mirrors, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anxiety, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues, Pain only pain, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-06
Updated: 2015-10-06
Packaged: 2018-04-25 02:51:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4943878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pastelprophet/pseuds/pastelprophet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Too much and at the same time not enough has changed over the nine months since that night. Though everyone is trying their best they can't seem to forget that terrible night on the mountain. </p><p>Chris rarely leaves the house anymore, and finds every excuse to back out of plans. And even when his friends need him he can't find a reason to try...</p><p>Especially when the one person he has on his side us trying to help him out when he says he doesn't need it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Truth Is

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first real fanfic I've written in a LONG time. There's a lot of reasons for this I won't get into, but my confidence has greatly dwindled when it's come to my writing. 
> 
> So that being said your feedback would be greatly appreciated on this character piece regarding mental health and trauma!

It had been a rough nine months, to say the absolute least. After the night on Blackwood Mountain, a year after two of their friends went missing, everybody tried their best to act fine. They tried to forget it, as if nothing had happened. As if Josh hadn’t gone through with his plan. As if the Wendigos hadn’t terrorized everyone half to death. As if things were just as fine as the night before the prank.

Of course they weren’t, it was obvious enough from the silence that came upon group gatherings. Even now, nearly a year later, nobody had quite returned to their normal selves. There was no normal anymore.

Chris stared at the photobooth pics from Josh's 15th birthday party. Josh had always had the coolest birthday parties, but he would always take some time out of them to do something with his best bud. His cochise...

He took the photo strip down from his push pin board and put it in his drawer. He couldn't stomach looking at Josh's smiling face. It made him feel guilty for having not made it in time. Josh was gone.

Getting up from his desk chair, Chris decided nobody could do online classwork in this heat. The last heat summer had to offer was beating him down hard, leaving a stale air in his once brightly light bedroom.

The curtains remained closed. There was no way he could look out onto the balcony where Josh used to sneak in with beer when his parents were out for the night. They were to remain closed for as long as he was there.

In the past months Chris found himself most comfortable when he was completely alone. He often went days without speaking to or seeing anyone. Well other than work, having picked up a telecommunications job helping older people fix their electronics. But that was just a bunch of "turn it off and back on again" bullshit. Didn't really count to him.

He was still going to school, but was taking online courses to make up for the credits lost when he stopped going to classes. He lasted almost two months going back to his college after winter break.

Eventually he started seeking solitary confinement in his dorm room a bit too much, unable to face the melting snow outside. Josh used to love Spring.

Shaking off thoughts of his childhood friend, Chris headed to the bathroom. A shower would surely help him calm down from his anxious mood.

He stood in front of the mirror, removing his shirt to see the lanky form he thought he left behind in high school. The body he'd been teased to have. All the names he'd been called, a nerd, a fag, everything in the book ever used against him came flooding back. He stopped himself from punching the mirror.

He'd been doing enough of that since he'd been home. Three mirrors his parents had to pay for, and three nights were his sister didn't look at him in the morning.

Chris removed the rest of his clothing and placed his glasses near the sink. He turned the water as hot it could possibly be. It made the heat bills go up, but his parents never complained about his 2 hour long showers. At least not since he got back home.

It was after one specific episode that Chris came back to his home town. Though Chris didn't quite remember it, apparently multiple eyewitness accounts said he had been carrying a half empty handle of raspberry Zhenka one night. It was around 12 when people spotted him walking around the dorm building he and Josh had been in their first year, yelling profanities and demanding he come out and fight him. Apparently there was video of him doing this for three hours until campus cops came around. By that time Chris finished the rest of the cheap vodka and had to be rushed to the hospital to have his stomach pumped at 3:35 am.

Chris woke up in the morning finding out he'd be referred to a trauma specific psychiatrist. He had gotten a mental bill of health from the counselor at the college, but the night had shown that hadn't quite helped him as much as he said it did when he closed with Dr. Ricker. So long as he agreed to seeing the new one he would be in fine standing with the school and no charges would be pressed. He was still too hammered to sign correctly, but knew that it would be easier for his parents.

Now here we was, burning his back on in the shower. He learned a lot from Dr. Taylor about how to control his anger and function around others while he worked on healing. She explained that trauma is like any wound. It needs time to heal, time to let go and move on from your fears. It had been over half a year and things were only getting worse.

Chris stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist. He stepped over to the counter, looking over his unshaven face. How long had it been since he has really considered shaving.

Besides Ashley said it was cute... even though he knew she was lying. Since he'd be heading out to meet her he decided to shave of his shitty attempt at a beard. He might wanted on when he was younger, but now facial hair was just a nuisance.

Once he was done he couldn't believe how different he looked. Or maybe he didn't really look that different from before. It was the reason he'd broken the mirrors. Fear that he wasn't himself anymore, that somehow maybe the spirit of the Wendigo had taken him, or that Josh played a prank on him with makeup and prosthetics. No... he just looked like shit.

Even though nobody was home at this hour Chris hurried back to his room. He avoided even his family who welcomed him back with open arms. He hated been seen more than anything else.

Quickly getting dressed, Chris reminded himself that Ashley had wanted to meet at 2:30 sharp. If he kept dilly dallying around he was gonna be late. He had to make it this time, especially after cancelling plans last minute the past three times they had planned to hang out this summer. Leaves were getting ready to fall and soon winter would be upon them.

The last time he had gone out of the house to hang out with her was their local summer carnival. Everyone had met up, despite tensions, and despite puking on one of the rides it had been a good day.

 

With all but three minutes to spare Chris made it to the coffee shop he and Ashley used to trade notes in. He almost didn't make it, if it weren't for the bus being a few minutes late. He had his license taken away after another cheap liquor mistake.

He walked him, avoiding everyone else there and sitting in their usual spot, his hat nearly pulled over his face. Other people's eyes felt like daggers in his skin, even if they had no reason to look at him.

Holding two iced coffees and lemon squares Ashley day across from him with a muttered, "Hey buckaroo." She placed one of the lemon squares and the smaller coffee in front of Chris. "One sugar, dark roast, shot of french vanilla, no creme."

Chris chuckled, letting himself smile for the first time in a while. "You got it, double bucarooney," he said, holding the cold cup. As much as he hated the cold now, this didn't seem to bother him. "You didn't have to get me these, you know."

"It's nothing. It's a simple enough order to remember," she reasoned, taking a sip from her own coffee. "Besides I kinda owe you one after you gave me your copy of Myst."

Nine months hadn't done her that good either. As much as she had been an insomniac busy body before, Ashley looked like she hadn't slept in months. And knowing her she probably hadn't. That and knowing her doctors they probably weren't helping her much with her sleep issues, just like before.

"It was nothing. I hadn't played it since high school," he said, not yet trying his coffee.

She stopped sipping from her own and placed the drink down. "Okay, so you will not believe this news I have," she said, expressively talking with her hands. "Have you been using Facebook much recently?" she asked, wanting to assure the news was all new to Chris.

Simply shaking his head Chris left out that he hadn't used it since they took down Josh's account. Keeping up with friends wasn't so easy after what happened.

"Well they put the pics up only yesterday anyway, but you would not believe," she began, over expressing her excitement as always. "This is really big, like I never expected this sort of thing to happen."

Chris laughed lightly. "Well I would if you got to it instead of getting all gushy about it," he said, unwrapping the lemon square.

Ashley's face flushed slightly, turning her head to seem nonchalant. "Well Mr. Fussy, I guess you don't wanna know the news then," she said playfully, now spending her time people watching.

With a loud sigh Chris leaned in. "Oh, alright. What is it?"

Eyes wide once more with excitement Ashley seemed to have a pep to her she hadn't since the trip. "Mike asked Jessica to marry him!"

This was the wrong time for Chris to try the drink Ashley got him. Choking down what when down the wrong pipe, he made a hand signal to continue. He continued coughing, trying to suppress his shock. Everybody thought that Mike would leave her after... well once again, nine months hadn't done anyone well. Jessica had gone through the worst of it by all means.

"And of course she said yes, what do you think she'd say?" She asked unwrapping her own lemon square. "I'm just surprised Mike asked her, y'know? Like of all people to be the first to get married in our friends group it was Jess and Mike."

Chris wiped his mouth, surprise nearly killing him. Death by zesty pastry.

"Is like... is Jessica doing better?" he asked quietly. "Because it's just... I dunno it's kinda worrisome," he mentioned, taking a bite of the lemon square to shut him up before he said anything else.

In that one suggestion Ashley completely changed. The cheerful facade melted away, and her now constant unhinged anxiety started to show. She nodded, though shook her head a few times. "It's back and forth," she explained, taking a sip before continuing with her train of thought.

"Like she's been weird ever since she got out of the hospital the first time, but she's been oddly like... I don't know how to describe it, like umm... she's been really day dreamy lately," she described, having a difficult time getting to phrase what she meant. "But ever since Mike proposed last week it's almost like she's back to... being Jess."

Chris nodded with each word, knowing what she meant. Ever since she'd been attacked by the Wendigo Formerly Known As Hannah, Jess had been dealing with social anxiety to the point where she would randomly shut down in public. She said she was fine whenever she had an anxiety attack, but Chris understood. A girl like Jess who used to get everything she wanted having to deal with the public gawking some people would do about her scars... of course he understood why she was so unhinged after everything.

Before the trip she wanted to be a model so bad, and had even planned to work with some scouters in New York after winter break. She did go to upstate New York, but just to visit her very concerned grandparents. There weren't any scouts she felt would ever like her face like that.

"But she's doing a lot better," Ashely emphasized. "She apparently caused a bar fight the night of their engagement, so I don't think there's much to worry about anymore," she laughed, forcing a fake smile. "Just like old Jess..."

"Sounds like it," he said rolling the saran wrap from the square into a ball. He kept rolling it in his hands, needing something so we wouldn't start bouncing his legs uncontrollably. "I'm happy for them," he said.

Ashley nodded, finishing off her own square. "They've been living together for the last four months she's been out of the psych ward, so I think they know by now if it's gonna work or not," she said as if it were a normal thing for anyone to say. "I'm more worried about you than I am about Jess," Ashley said, suddenly turning the table on Chris.

Feeling a bit put on the spot, Chris stopped rolling his ball. "I-I'm fine Ash. Seriously you don't have to worry about me," he said now clenching the ball in one hand. "I'm doing a lot better right now."

She licked her lips, worrying her bottom lip. She seemed to do that more often now. "I still worry... I just... I think you need to get out of your parents house," she explained, bringing up a tired and sore subject for the two.

"Ashley don't do this right now, this is the last thing I need-"

"You keep locking yourself away from everyone, Chris. We're really worried about you. Everyone is worried about you," she expressed, leaving forward in a desperate attempt to get him to understand where she was coming from.

"Yeah well you should all be worried about yourselves," he said, leaning back, wanting to avoid Ashley's gaze. "Just because only Jess and I had complete fucking breakdowns doesn't mean you guys don't have anything to process, okay? Stop wasting your time worrying about me and spend some time on your own shit," he said flippantly.

She grabbed his hand without the ball in it, and held his hand. "Chris," she pleaded with him, tears welling in her eyes. "Chris I need you to be here with me right now, okay?"

"A-ash please I-"

"No... no, no, no... you're gonna listen to me this time, because I need you to hear me, okay?" she looked him dead in the eyes, barely holding back tears that looked like they would flood out any second. "I need you to be my anchor right now Chris. I know you don't have any business helping someone else right now, but I could really use your help."

He couldn't look at her, too frightened to stare in her frightened eyes. Guilt. She was the source of all of it.

"You have been shutting me out since... that night," she said. Chris turned to Ashley now, expression completely blank. Now she had his attention. Did... did she notice?

"I need you to be here for me like you were then, okay? I'm honestly... I'm honestly doing terrible right now I haven't slept right since that night," she explained, leaning in close. "I keep having nightmares and the only thing that keeps me from them is waking up and realizing you're here..."

"A-ash I've told you before I can't move in with you. I can't even drive right now, I'm a fucking wreck. I'd just be a nuisance," he explained, trying to talk her out of this plan. "Please Ashley another time I'll make it up to you, but please not right now..."

Her hands clenched tighter for a moment before letting go. She sat back, wiping the tears from her eyes. She just tried to put everything she had on the floor for him.

"It's just... Jessica and Mike of all fucking people have been living together since everything and I just... I wanna be normal again, Chris," she explained, propping her elbows up on the table and covering her face with her hands. "Like... why do they get to be getting married while the rest of us are barely getting by?" she questioned, raising her arms in an expression of her distraught.

Chris shook his head. "Things like this take time..." he muttered, repeating what Dr. Taylor told him time and time again. "Shit like what happened doesn't just go away, and every one of us is gonna handle it differently..." he tried reasoning, Ashley people watching once again.

"It's not fair..." she said, shaking her head and wiping away the last of her tears. "It's just... none of it is fair..."

Chris stared at the empty wrappers on the table and the cafe slowly growing busier. He placed a hand on Ashley's shoulder and stood up. "C'mon, it's getting crowded in here. I can barely hear myself think." Ashley nodded and the two quickly dealt with their garbage, a different couple quickly taking the seats they had been in afterwards.

 

"So uhh... you been watching any more Scandal?" Chris asked. The two had first bonded over their shared interest in mystery dramas and cop shows, starting with Criminal Minds.

Ashley shrugged. "Here and there. Kinda lost interest in those types of shows after... well you know."

The two walked quietly through the park, passing local shops and traffic. They used to do power walking around finals and midterms to try and get back on track between study breaks. With Ashley back in school already and him at home all the time it seemed like forever ago that they had walked.

"Yeah, I haven't got much taste for horror games since then..." he said, laughing even though it felt inappropriate. "When was the last time we actually talked about tv shows or video games? Feels like it's been an eternity."

Ashley nodded gently, recalling the last time being about three months ago when Chris gave her the copy of Myst. Three months since she noticed it had been a gift from Josh when Chris turned 13. Sharpie doesn't come off of anything it seems. Not even copies of old point and click mystery games.

"I remember you were trying to teach me how to play Magic this time last year," she commented, watching a bright red leaf fall to the ground.

Chris laughed, recalling the nights at game club where he and Ashley played nonstop with his decks. God he was so head over heels for her back then. He wanted to do anything that would impress her.

"Chris..." Ashley began, almost as if she was about to make a request. She took a nervous breath in, but didn't finish her thought. "Forget it... it's stupid..."

Chris raised an eyebrow, fixing his baseball cap so he could look at her expressions better. "What?" he questioned, hoping she wasn't trying to bring up the moving in conversation again.

Shrugging Ashley tried to say something, but no words came to her. "I... it's just..." she rambled on, trying to figure out how to say what she wanted to. She stopped in her tracks and looked Chris on the eyes. "I miss you," she said. "I miss being around you, okay?"

Dumbfounded Chris stood there, scratching the back of his neck out of nervous habit. "Ash I-"

"This isn't about moving in," she said, looking to the ground. "It's just... it's hard because you... you saved me Chris," she said still staring at the concrete.

Oh no. No not this.

"You saved me twice... even if it was just Josh's shitty prank it meant a lot to me," she explained. "It meant a lot that you went out of your way to protect me. You did so much for me that night and you're just... you're important to me Chris..."

No. Stop it.

"I'm sorry if I'm a bit forceful sometimes, but I'm really looking out for the best for you... like you did for-"

"Cut it out Ashley," Chris interrupted. Ashley looked up to him, confused with why he looked so anxious.

"But... Chris... it's the truth! You... you're really important to me," she insisted, grabbing his sleeve.

"Please Ash I'm... I'm begging you, please find someone better than me, okay?" Chris insisted, trying to pull back from Ashley's grip.

Ashley was dumbfounded, unable to understand what Chris meant. "Do... do you mean being sick because... I don't know if you haven't noticed but all of us are dealing with some serious mental issues right now Chris. You're not the only one so don't get upset with yourself because of it. It's not your fault tha-"

"JOSH RIGGED IT ASHLEY," Chris yelled, pulling back his hand that Ashley tried to intertwine her fingers with. "He... he rigged it, okay?" Chris's voice cracked as he begged her to understand.

"Wha... what do you mean 'Josh rigged it'? Do you mean he set up the whole prank, because news flash, Chris, everybody knows that," she said attempting to deduce what Chris meant.

Chris stood silently for a second before taking off his cap and running a hand through his hair. "When..." he began, voice dry and nervous. "When I saw you and Josh strung up on that wall with the saw I... I chose Josh..."

Ashley raised an eyebrow, confused by what she thought he meant. There was no way. "What are you saying Chris?"

"I’m saying you deserve someone better than me who would have known right away to save you," he explained, nervously driving his forehead with his free hand. "I chose to save Josh but he fucking rigged it... you were never in danger, but I still chose to save Josh..."

The two stood in silence for a good minute, both unsure if what exactly to say to the other.

"I... I have to go. I have homework and an essay to do, I'm sorry I... I'm sorry," Ashley said weakly, turning and walking away from the taller blond.

Chris stood there alone for a moment before slowly meandering back to his house, the sun slowly settling over the horizon.

 

He made it back in time for dinner, choosing to take it to his room. "Homework," he reasoned, running upstairs to his room where he proceeded to sit at his desk and do nothing. He touched the lasagna, taking a few bites here and there, but eventually brought his plate down.

He headed back up to his room, locking it as he saw his little sister coming up the stairs. He didn't want try cry in front of anyone after losing Ashley. The last person he really had. And he blew it by telling the truth.

That night he broke his 4th mirror, finished off the last of his very dwindled liquor stash, and slept on the balcony he had kept the curtains closed on.

Maybe Josh would come take him away like this.

**Author's Note:**

> Interesting fact. Chris' incident is very similar to an incident I had that factored in me deciding to take a step away from campus life myself. The same type of liquor was even involved.
> 
> Also yes, before anyone asks, The Wendigo Formerly Known as Hannah WAS a Prince joke...


End file.
